Note: Part of me really doesn’t want to post this article because I really, really don’t want to bum anyone out as we have just received an amazingly pure burst of new energies to enjoy, but there are things here that I feel need to be said.
Please read with your own emotional discernment and please, do not take pity.
Reading the latest updates from David Wilcock and then Steve Beckow today, I am feeling mixed emotions. I normally make it a point not to write when I am feeling this way as if I let it, the cynicism on my part tends to get turned up. Anybody who has had past interactions with me before I started my website will likely know this.
I guess I should start the explanation of how I am feeling and why I am feeling this way, with a bit of a dream experience from this morning.
I was with family, the same family I was with practically all day yesterday. We were in this town that I Live in, but things were different. Things were better.
There was a beautiful lake, river, diversion canal, whatever one wishes to call it; it was a great body of water with a gentle, peaceful current that ran through parts of my hometown that I did not expect. And I was with my family and my fiancé, floating down this body of water and just being amazed, at everything.
The view. The experience. Knowing that I was finally feeling and experiencing something different and indeed, better, than the experience I am garnered daily in this town that I Live.
Even the experience of seeing this town from different, new, refreshing angles – it was nothing short of completely uplifting and I could lucidly and consciously feel my own happiness, my own sense of freedom.
And then – I woke up. To a plethora of physical chores and strains with which to occupy myself – I have to say it was like entering a whole other Universe. Whereas just a minute ago I was free, uninhibited, truly fully and purely enjoying myself like I hadn’t before, now I was back in this weighed-down, heavy reality, continuing on in what is ‘normal’ and ‘real’.
Back within my ego complex, wherein to those around me whom are certainly not yet awakened, I am only an ego-driven nineteen year old who needs, who NEEDS to get a job already!
Perhaps that truth (how those who we Live with see me and the ‘fact’ that I need to get a job to make some physical money or face getting kicked out eventually) is one of the reasons I have been feeling the way I have today.
After sitting down to read David Wilcock’s latest update, I felt a plethora and range of the usual emotions and feelings that I have felt before, when reading much of what we have been told quite a bit. Please do not take this admission of my feelings as a complaint, as I’m sure Mr. Wilcock gets many, many new awakening souls reading his continual articles and as such, must lay the informational foundation, as he is prone to doing.
Even still, to hear and be reminded of what the cabals have done to us as well as of the Divine Intervention that is underway but that hasn’t bled through into the physical, unawakened experience quite yet; it can be disheartening at times (to continually hear of such things) and I’m sure this is a feeling that can be related to by others.
Throughout this whole experience, I can look back and notice when I was looking to the physical happenings that are to grace this world for aspects of my own happiness, which is something that I have needed to work through but it is a difficult realization to come to and to enact the change in myself that such a realization brings.
I have given everything of myself to this unfolding movement on the very basis that eventually, some type of physical, financial change would be happening that would ensure not just my own financial comfort and stability, but the financial comfort and stability of all on this world as I feel that we all truly deserve such an alleviation.
It’s getting harder and harder to perform all of the work that I do every day, on the basis that this (financial alleviation) might happen or will definitely happen, just at an undetermined date that nobody quite knows and would not be saying if they did.
Our own personal difficulties aside, I have looked toward the manifestation of these physical events for aspects of my own happiness and I have been learning since the end of 2011 that this mindset will only hurt me; it is just that at times, I feel quite stuck.
In the past I have told myself repeatedly not to look toward the manifestation of physical events but rather to work on my own unfolding perception of the higher realms, as ascension is more important to this world and to all on this world, than the manifestation of the physical changes that are supposed to precede and set the foundation for our ascension.
This truth that I have attempted to remind myself whenever I am feeling this way, was echoed and confirmed by Steve Beckow today with the publishing of his latest article:
“I’m not finished with working to remain calm and balanced. I’m not finished with remaining adult and serving. I’m not finished with expanding my consciousness and welcoming the new energies.
But I am finished with sensationalism, alarm, fear, apprehension, hoarding, us against them, and looking out for number one.
The joy and bliss I feel, the peace and completion, the gift of these rising energies, is enough for me.
And I suppose I just need to say that. The main events will happen when they do. But my own expansion, growth and balance are what loom for me as the proper focus of my attention.” (1)
While I can say that I too remember reading every day about how some alleged ‘prosperity packages related to NESARA’ were set to be delivered any time, and I too had to wade away from the influence of those who continue to dangle the NESARA carrot in front of us; by this I mean only those who continue publishing reports of how close everything is to coming to fruition when clearly, nobody knows quite when and how all of these things are going to happen.
The most influential and truthful reporters in this avenue have told us so.
If the thought of the changes not occurring tomorrow depresses you or makes you feel sad, then I can say that I have been there before and there is no real reason to feel sad about such things as again, our ascension and our own developing concept of the higher realms is not only more important than these events, it is as well what will be bringing these events to us! (We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, as hard as it can be for some to accept.)
This is a truth that I know and feel, and yet the thought of not knowing when the financial aspects of such changes are to take place and to continue on every single day in the hopes that sometime ‘soon’ such financial alleviation will finally come our way while everything seems to stay the same, same, same; it is disheartening and it begins to wear on one’s soul after a while.
Something said in the snippet of the article posted above stuck out at me:
“The joy and bliss I feel, the peace and completion, the gift of these rising energies, is enough for me.” (1)
Whenever feeling any type of sadness in relation to how these changes have not yet manifested, I usually look to my own personal feelings and problems at that moment; what is it really in me that is making me unhappy at such a time? Perhaps there are lessons in myself that I do not yet feel are complete that I very much want completed, and this is manifesting as an overall sadness at how the physical changes have not manifested?
Reading the sentence posted above from Steve Beckow, I realized that I don’t yet feel the full completeness that he is speaking of feeling. Of course every now and then I will get my bursts of inspiration and spiritual Joy, bliss and the accompanying sense of completion but for the most part, I don’t quite yet feel complete or whole and just why this is, I have not yet put my finger on.
Certainly, there are still lessons that I have to work through in myself which will see me better prepared for ascension, but for the most part these lessons are smaller and related to my ever-fading ego, and as a soul of Gaia I do feel happy, at Peace with myself and with my continual Life Path. I guess one can say that it is the outer-surroundings in my own Life that are making me unhappy, and the lack of Lighted change in such avenues.
And even with that, we come to a full circle in the discussion because we hear endlessly that if we want our outer Lives to change, we must change something within ourselves.
The only problem is, one cannot own a house by becoming more spiritual. One gets a house by first getting a job and working for years, and then if they’re lucky, hopefully getting a loan that they will spend nearly the rest of their Lives working off.
This is the great conundrum; as while on Earth it seems one can only Live an Earthly Life to receive Earthly possessions that in my case, are very, very needed – such as a house so that we can stop Living with relatives. But then at the same time, we hear that the only way to change our outer surroundings is to change our inner-feelings but what can one change in themselves to gain something so grand and unattainable to us, that we very much need at this time?
My own feelings and the writing of this article in general stem from the fact that we are limited in the amount of time we can Live with our relatives whose internet I use for every last facet of my work, and when that time finally comes wherein they are tired of us two ‘irresponsible teenagers’ with no jobs Living in their basement, we are going to get kicked out and along with not having a place to Live, will have no internet and no means to perform the very work that I feel I am here to perform.
Please, do not feel pity for me over this admission, as it will only lower your vibrations. The relatives in question have been amazing about everything even while not knowing a thing about my work, and a deeper part of me knows that these were conditions that I placed myself in for the purposes of learning specific lessons.
Even still, this entire situation confuses me in that we could only have a few months left here at best before being kicked out (just an estimate), and it makes me wonder just what the heck I am supposed to do after this finally happens as again, I would be losing access to what I feel is the very reason I am on this world at this time; my ability to perform and publish the work I have been doing.
I guess this is the very reason I have been looking toward the bringing-forth of NESARA and the new financial system, in hopes that these changes would pick up before I would ever have to worry about such financial issues or the chance of being kicked out of where we Live, but now we are already reaching the middle of June in the year of 2012, and nothing concrete has bursted-forth in relation to the lessening of the ridiculous financial situation that so many of us are in.
Somebody with a more hateful attitude and mindset could say that I am just an irresponsible kid who thought he could get away with not working while mooching off of others, in hopes that something will come along and solve all of my financial problems. I have to say that at times, I feel almost the same way.
However, I don’t feel that a job wherein I must work myself away for a continual paycheck, is in my Life Path.
I’ve tried it and to put it graciously, it didn’t work out. It was a very painful experience with every attempted job and all along, my Guides were there telling me that it wasn’t for me; it wasn’t my purpose in being here at this time.
Yet, very soon it could be that I have no other choice than to fulfill such a role and as a result, have little time or energy to be able to perform the work that I do or to even work on myself as an ascending soul of Gaia.
I very much fear that I would be lost in my ego self, whom I would probably meld into upon entering and adjusting to the lower vibrations of a regular job.
I hope that this message has not ‘bummed anyone out’ this is just stuff that I feel really needs to be said. I am walking quite a financial tightrope right now and have been for every bit as long as I started my work and my website, and while I know that our ascension is more important than the manifestation of the physical events, these events are still very needed right now.
Clearly, eventually these changes are to burst forth and we are all to be Universally uplifted by such changes and it is to be so wonderful, so shaping, so amazing – this was likely one of the things my dream was telling me and showing me; that these changes would benefit all and new paths and avenues would open up that we would not quite expect.
All I’m saying is that with the continual delays and the unsure nature in which these changes seem to be being brought about, I may not be able to be around for the whole ‘end stretch’, as our Living situation and finances are seeing increased difficulties in such an avenue.
Wes Annac – Working through issues by writing them out.